Trainspotting – live reporting by Froggee (paterfamilias)

[Froggee]

So I got summoned to London at short notice. British Airways wanted over £300. One way! LNER wanted £160 for a direct train but I got lucky and one seat on the 1pm appeared for £95.60. Later than ideal but beggars can’t be choosers. I got £5 off for joining LNER perks (with hindsight I should have taken a referral), a further 10% cash back from Amex and donated my 2% LNER perks to charity.

And I am now on a train for 4 hours and 39 minutes. If I am lucky.

I feel sorry for the poor souls who got on at Aberdeen at 09:47 and have already stopped at Stonehaven, Montrose, Arbroath, Dundee, Leuchars, Kirkcaldy, Inverkeithing, Edinburgh Haymarket.

Wish me luck.

[NorthernLass]

@Froggee, you should watch Nightsleeper on iPlayer, but maybe not until your journey is complete!

[freckles]

Long time since I’ve used the east coast (or indeed any local Scottish trains, as i prefer the megabus type as more frequent, reliable and free!) but I used TPE glasgow/Manchester recently and was pleasantly surprised – nice new, clean trains, perfect seat reservations, on time, and (booked in advance) very cheap!
Air conditioning a bit savage though- wasn’t the warmest.

[Froggee]

Well it’s not been too bad so far. I left my house at 12:30pm which I could never do for a 1pm flight. A twenty minute walk got me to Edinburgh Waverley Station and they very kindly put the train on platform 9 which was bang next to where I entered the station. So I was eight minutes early which, as it turned out, wasn’t as early as the train which was sitting, waiting for me. My reserved seat was free. We took off departed bang on time.

I can see how trains make Mrs Froggee and Kermit puke though as they really do throw you about. It’s actually quite tricky typing. The staff must have excellent stabiliser muscles in their legs.

I have already been equipped with a mug of coffee and some shortbread by a lovely lady with a strong northeast accent (my favourite accent) and had my ticket checked.

[NorthernLass]

@freckles, we’re going to Glasgow just after New Year for our re-scheduled Creation stay at Blythswood Square, £33 for 2 of us from Preston with a railcard! It would cost us about that to park for one day. Just a shame London fares are significantly higher.

[Froggee]

Berwick-upon-Tweed – three minutes early.

Since my last update I have been offered “lunch” and plumped for hot crumpets which are pending. I turned down crisps and a caramel pot. Then a moving bar arrived but I decided to pass although the lady next to me got a G&T, a Pepsi and a bottle of water so apparently you can fill your boots.

I think I should move to Newcastle so I can get more of this accent.

So a fascinating fact about  Berwick-upon-Tweed is that their football and rugby teams play in Scottish leagues despite Berwick-upon-Tweed currently being in England. I say currently because the town swapsied between Scotland and England several times in the past with the most recent changeover being in 1482 as part of an English invasion of Scotland. It all seemed to be a bit of a misunderstanding really given that 20,000 battle-hardened and bloodthirsty Englishmen “fought” 500 poor Scots. It sounds a bit like the rugby before we found all these antipodeans.

The result was the Scots repaid a dowery for some English princess. You don’t get plots like that in Coronation Street or Eastenders.

[NorthernLass]

Similar to how the Scots got Orkney then – the dowry for a Norwegian princess never materialised so the Scottish king at the time decided he’d have a few of her family’s islands instead!

[freckles]

NorthernLass wrote:

@freckles, we’re going to Glasgow just after New Year for our re-scheduled Creation stay at Blythswood Square, £33 for 2 of us from Preston with a railcard! It would cost us about that to park for one day. Just a shame London fares are significantly higher.

I think I was £10.50 each way with railcard. Avanti services even in advance were up around £75!! Really don’t understand why some can release such cheap advance singles but others can’t.

[Froggee]

Newcastle – one minute early

It has felt much longer than 90 minutes. The seats are impressively hard and really need some lumbar support. Luckily the train is pretty toasty so I fashioned my sweater into a pillow.

At least the crumpets were yummy.

Anyway, I did enjoy my nights out in Newcastle when I was a student. When I was a kid I was an avid reader of the Dandy with my favourite cartoon being the Jocks and the Geordies. It must have been before I had a sense of identity as my all time favourite episode was when the Geordies placed a net over the Jocks who were sleeping in the sun resulting in the Jocks all getting a tartan suntan. Not funny!!! 

(Actually quite funny)

Oh no. All my favourite Geordie staff are leaving me.

[JDB]

@Froggee – enjoy the journey, but more importantly, did you opt for the coat and tie? Now you have revealed you are travelling up to town, it seems even more essential than per your original question.

[The Savage Squirrel]

Did a train journey from Somerset to Yorkshire last night. Every one of the three trains involved was delayed nearly doubling the time taken. Hope you have better luck than me 🤣. My all time train fail was arriving at Kings X to find I had been sold a ticket on a train that didn’t exist and that in fact the entire line had closed for engineering work 15 minutes earlier. At least LNER paid for my London hotel in the end as well as refunded the ticket after some vigorous complaining despite me using it the next morning, so ended up financially ahead if nothing else.

[Froggee]

Durham – one minute late.

@JDB I listened to @NorthernLass and went for layers. I love that you say up to town. Posh git. We have a pure London staff on the train now. I have to say I warmed to the accent when many years ago I looked very confused at Bank Station as I boarded a train and a member of staff clocked me, checked where I wanted to go to and said “don’t worry my friend – you’re on the right train” as the doors were closing.

Durham – my old stomping ground! I spent four years here as a student. I changed subject twice and even managed to get an extra year paid for by the Scottish government. Because, yes kids, there didn’t used to be tuition fees and indeed I even received a student grant. There were student loans but I used mine for frivolous stuff like my Murrayfield debenture as Durham was actually a pretty cheap place to go to university then (I stayed in college with full board for three of the four years) and I stayed at home and worked during the holidays.

Fun fact – I took a computer science course at Durham called “Management of Uncertainty” where the lecturer managed to shoehorn Durham Cathedral into the syllabus highlighting it as an early attempt at gothic architecture but because they were a bit nervous about the structural integrity of arches etc they made them a bit more dumpy and much less attractive than e.g. York Minster. But hey, Durham Cathedral’s nave ceiling is the earliest surviving example of a pointed rib vault so take that and party.

[Froggee]

Darlington – bang on time

Another trolley service has been by. Interestingly the food offering was caveated with “anyone not eaten yet” so maybe only for newborn babies? I took a Pepsi. I don’t think I have had a Pepsi this millennium. It turns out they have added artificial sweeteners since I last had one and it tastes very, very wrong. “Free” drinks are a curse when the best drink is always free from the tap. Except at certain airports obviously.

Sorry to hear about your travails @The-Savage-Squirrel. Have a cup of tea and a hug on me.

I have never been to Dalington but have been through it many times on the train. Given that the town claims to be the birthplace of the modern railway, they only have themselves to blame. If we had stuck with horse-and-cart technology, I am sure I would have visited many times, rather than just passing through. 

[Froggee]

Northallerton – two minutes late

More coffee? Please no. I am fully caffeinated.

I don’t know why but I am struggling to focus on television. And I have really been enjoying Sunderland ‘Til I Die but not here. Instead I am listening to the melodic babbling of the group next to me without hearing a word of the conversation while staring out of the window. How do people “work” on trains?

Totally never been to Northallerton. Apparently many, many thousands of Scots died here in battle in the 12th century but we came back in the 14th century and destroyed the town. It all seems a bit petty to me. Apologies all.

[Froggee]

Woo hoo.

I am past halfway.

My buttocks might never forgive me for this.

[Froggee]

York – two minutes early

What can I say about York? I have already mentioned the cathedral. Well everyone knows that it is legal to shoot a Scotsman with a crossbow upon seeing one carrying a bow and arrow, except for on Sundays. 

So I should be fine as I am unarmed AND it is a Sunday.

I used to come to York a lot actually as I had two very good friends here after I graduated. Indeed I have eaten more KFC in York than in all the other places in the world combined as there was one within spitting distance of my friend’s flat. He sometimes went to KFC in his dressing gown if the degree of his hangover warranted such measures.

I, of course, always put on a coat and tie as had standards even in the 1990s. With hindsight, underpants and trousers would been a courtesy too.

[strickers]

@Froggee I feel for your posterior, the seats on the Azuma trains haven’t softened even though many thousands of buttocks have been there. I can highly recommend the Hop Onboard ale, two cans is just over a pint.

[Froggee]

Doncaster – one minute late

Another pass of the drinks trolley and another pass from me. Still nursing that toxic Pepsi. Thanks for your kind wishes @Strickers but as we used to say at uni, afternoon drinking is a very bad thing.

Oh such a fun fact. Doncaster was ceded to Scotland in the Treaty of Durham in 1136 and has never formally been returned to England. No offence to Doncaster but we should totally swapsie it with  Berwick-upon-Tweed. Doncaster is way bigger so that is more than fair.

[strickers]

You didn’t mention Thomas Crapper, inventor of the modern toilet who was born in Donnie.

[Froggee]

Retford – one minute late

I did not know this @strickers. I owe that man so much.

Sorry where? Over to Wikipedia:

“Moss (1908) tells us that in 1760 Retford’s ducking stool was used for the last time. He says it was situated at the end of a narrow street opposite the Post Office that led down the River Idle. The use of the ducking stool was granted in 1279 by Edward I and was used for the last time to punish a “Scotswoman of violent temperament” called “Dame Barr”, who was ducked for offending @JDB by “throwing the contents of her snuff-box in his face, and uttering opprobrious terms”.

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

[Froggee]

I just saw a solar farm. Seems ambitious. Is Nottinghamshire still in the North or is it midlands?

[AndrewT]

Some people definitely have too much time on their hands!

Yes ok I know, if it’s EDB – KGX about 4.5 hours too much 😀

Notts is East Midlands, you’re getting there!

[davefl]

Stoke, Derby, Nottingham, Grantham are all in a line, and are viewed as midlands – Maggie T would turn in her grave if you viewed her as a northerner.

[strickers]

You are nibbling along the edge of the Lincolnshire Riveria which is perfectly suited to solar farms.

[Froggee]

Peterborough – bang on time.

Still almost an hour to London. I solved Quordle on tries 5/6/7/8 which is always a bit of a disappointment. Worldle was the fifth attempt but I do the hard version where, once you find a letter, it is anchored and there were three possible fourth letters and I got unlucky. I could not do the Chess.com daily puzzle. I am done with the FT. It is pretty much dark outside so there isn’t much to look at. Oh – Waitrose!

I wait. I am bored. No, don’t protest, I am bored to death, there’s no denying it.

Speaking of death, Mary Queen of Scots used to be buried in Peterborough but then her loving son James VI of Scotland dug her up and had her relocated to Westminster Abbey after he got his big promotion, so they could be together. She must have been delighted.